What Happens On Corporate Retreat Cruises

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May 6, 2023 // By:analsex // No Comment

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If any of you happen to be a comedian and you get offered a corporate gig on a cruise, seriously consider taking it! Okay, I know most of you who read this won’t be a comedian, so let me explain. Big corporations often do a yearly retreat for their executives across the country, and it’s common for them to hire a comedian to come in and do a standup set. They are the worst kind of gigs in my opinion, because most of the audience are the overworked, overstressed kind of people who don’t care about comedy and don’t even try to laugh. Most of the time they’re a bunch of rich assholes, and I don’t know why they keep thinking it’s a good idea to bring in a comedian to try to lighten up their mood. The gigs pay massive bucks, more than what I make from ten normal gigs on the road. Even so, I normally turn them down. This one gig was on a cruise though—that meant five days of commitment for only two shows, for the top notch executives of a high profile insurance company. It sounded awful. I definitely didn’t want to be trapped on a cruise ship with these people if one of the shows did poorly, but I figured I could make something out of it—maybe the other passengers besides all the corporate executives would be fun, right? And most importantly I really needed the money. First thing I noticed when I got there: these people were freakin loaded. I thought it would be a normal cruise with a few rooms Maltepe Escort reserved for 30 people in the business. No! These guys rented out the whole entire ship for some 30 executives and their wives and families. The ship was so under booked that it felt totally empty throughout the day when they were in meetings. And the ship they had rented was luxurious all around. I would hang out at the pool or bar and chat with bartenders or read in my room—not too bad for a free vacation. Second thing I noticed: a few of them liked to put it back. By day this was a corporate retreat; by night it was a booze cruise, still with boring work talk all through the evening. I was set to go on the first night, and the was crowd fine, except for a couple of men in suits who must have gone through hell in their meetings—now they wanted to make the skinny, nerdy comedian on stage their personal punching bags. They heckled the shit out of me after every other joke, and no one in the audience wanted to say anything. I assumed they were a couple of the big heads. What always pisses me off the most about hecklers is they think they’re adding something fresh and spontaneous to the show, when really what they’re doing is hogging attention and being terrible at it. Normally I rip into hecklers and eventually get them to shut up, but I didn’t know how important these guys were. Maltepe Escort Bayan I’ve heard horror stories of comedians overstepping very thin lines at corporate gigs and not getting paid because they “violated the contract.” So I tried my best to go on. But this one guy up front was the king of assholes. I got into this bit about the clothes I wear, and he tried to add to it and make fun of my clothes. He literally got out of his chair and poured beer on my shoes, saying all along a bunch of crap like, “I’m gonna send you some shoes a real man wears after this. Don’t worry, you’ll thank me later!” He looked like a 40-year-old model, slicked back hair, shiny watch, strong cologne, and an obvious trophy wife latched onto his table. She looked like a model too, with long black hair, expensive dress, expensive earrings. When the set was over I tried as best I could to put him out of my mind. I ordered two drinks from the bar and planned to take them down to my room. Then his wife came up to me and apologized for his behavior. To my surprise, she was actually a nice person. She looked to be the same age as me, early 30s. When I thought about it, she was laughing at my jokes and not at her husband when he was heckling me. We had a moment to chat at the bar. She told me her name was Chelsea, apologized again for her husband, and asked if I was doing another Escort Maltepe show. I told her I had one scheduled on Thursday but that I might try to get out of it. “No way!” She said. “Are you going to tell different jokes?” “I will if I do the show.” She told me she wanted to hear more of my material, and that she’d try to encourage her husband not to come. Also, all the meetings and talks were apparently running late and some of the top executives, her husband included, might be working during the show. That’s right. Mr. Asshole would be working during my comedy show, the one his wife so thoroughly enjoyed… In my dreams, right? At least it was fun to think about. Fast forward to Thursday. I talked with the company’s event manager and, to my surprise, managed to successfully get my set cancelled that night and just take half pay. A couple of hours later, while I was killing the afternoon at the bar, Mr. Asshole stops by and makes some snarky remark to me about how maybe I’ll be allowed to come back next year if I get a little funnier, and he patted me on the back as he headed off to his next event. This fucking guy. And about half an hour after that, Chelsea strolled in with three of her girlfriends. Through talking with her more I finally had to admit to myself that she was much nicer than her fashionable appearance might make her seem to most people. She was quite a laid back person, and she must actually enjoy comedy, because when I told her that I had cancelled my show that night she practically begged me to go on. If I thought she was flirting with me the night before, I was starting to become sure of it now. And there were people around who probably knew her husband.

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