Sissy diary episode 1 – intro

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Sissy diary episode 1 – introBefore I start I want to take the chance to out me, instruct you what this diary is about and explain to you what plans I have for myself and how it could come so far.I am 22 years old and I live in Dresden, Germany (so please excuse me if my english is a bit weird sometimes). I am a worthless sissy faggot and are looking for mistresses, daddies or (if possible dominant) transgenders who can accompany and push me on my way to reach my goal (how far you accompany me is 100% their decision) to become a trans sissy.It does not matter whether it is keyholding, verbal abuse and humiliation, my hormone therapy or just remind me again and again that I am not worth to have sex with woman because I am pathetic or giving me their cock to practice blowjobs and anal.I will post all my experiences and thoughts in this blog because I want to share it and also to give other sissy newbies a clue and help them to manage their thoughts and feelings. I know how hard it is to be aloe with all that, I had this phase for years now and was extremely depressed. I could not find any good guide which helps me to get along my feelings and give me advices from the sight of the sissy self.I will betray much private things that you can comprehend my reasons and my thoughts and of course a bit because of the kick it give me to expose myself for example that my friends/family could find this blog.I have a huge collection of sissy captions which belong to a 24/7 active slideshow on my pc screen to brainwash myself at any time and I take care that all the time I leave the house I left some womens clothes good visible on my bed so if someone gets in he find the clothes and sees my slideshow. I am dressed as a sissy all the time I am at home and if I leave I got panties on bahis firmaları and stockings under my jeans in secret hope someone could find out and expose or blackmail me.Every episode will include one current fantasy/thought or action and one story of sissy fetish trigger events in my past so you get to know me and my thinking better from episode to episode. All of this is 100% real happened.Lets start now with the incident I had recently which made me start this diary. I was at home and of course I was dressed with painful bound testicles and clit, watched some sissy hypnosis videos with headphones on to organize my sissy hypno collection which is really huge. Exactly in a short pause between two videos my door kept ringing and I just perceive it peripheral. I jump up and hectically put on my sweatpants and a baggy sweater to hide my bra under it. When I just reached the door I hear as someone put in a key. I opened the door a few inches and looked through the gap. It were my grandparents. I know I could not open the door know because most of my sissy clothes lie on my bed good visible for everyone who just enter my apartment just two steps.I brushed them off good as I can and told them it was a very bad moment to come in. It was so hard to find a white lie I that short time that I can not even remember what I said but it worked. I told them to meet in the park half an hour later. When I go to the park later I let my stockings and panties on under my male wear and my testicles and clit were still bound. After they gone I came in my apartment, threw my male clothes far away in any corner and looked at my pc screen. The caption slideshow showed a beautiful sissy who knocks on a terrace door. The caption was ‘that awkward moment when you see your parents for the kaçak iddaa first time since you started transitioning’ and I could feel like my sissy clit leaks out some precum immediately and tried to get hard. The bondage hurt so much that I even had problems to take it off. The pain was extreme. I could not resist to fingerfuck me for nearly one hour to the sissy captions.The next day I could not stop thinking about that moment. The last hope that this sissy stuff is just a phase of a bit curious but straight guy was gone. I was 100% sure now, this is my fate. I rubbed my clitty and it gets harder then I ever remember it was. This was the last poke I needed on my journey up to here to finally find the courage to find people who can help me to comply all these fantasies now one by one.But how I get so far at all? Well, this is not so easy to explain. I had a whole bunch of trigger events which pushed me there inch by inch. It all started with me sexually fail with girls. This started very early in an age where a boy should not even think about sex. I was ten years old and the neighbor next doors daughter was 13. It was summer and all the k**s of the neighborhood were going to the outdoor pool not far away every day. Because she was home too late the day before she was not allowed to go with us. She requested me to stay with her because she did not stay alone and be bored. I accepted because I were submissive to girls all my life. I just can not say no to them. All her girlfriends already had sex, in Germany much youths have their first time way earlier then in the states and she was frustrated that she still do not have. We built a tent on the grass to protect us a bit against the hot sun. So we lied in the tent listening to music and just talking about this and that kaçak bahis and suddenly she asked me if I ever touched my dick. I was so shocked. Did she really said that? Why she does? What should I say? I was confused. She poked me. ‘Hello? U there? Did u hear me?’ ‘Y-y-y-es’ I babbled. I felt so uncomfortable and just hoped that she do not make me more nervous. But she did. ‘Does it get hard’ she asked. I affirmed. Suddenly she started undressing. When she just had her panties and her little bra on she asked ‘do u like me?’ ‘Would I be ur friend if not?’ I answered. She poked me again and laughed. ‘NO! Dummy, do u like me?’ and pointed with her hands to her body. I had no idea what I should say. I was stunned. I wanted to leave but it was like I am rooted. I can not. She started undressing me now. ‘Don’t u want to be the first one in ur class who did this? Imagine how jealous the other boys would be.’ I still could not move or say anything. I was completely shocked. My mind was spinning and my heart racing. I get gooseflesh and the fear was filling all the parts of my body. Before I realized what just happened I was naked. ‘I don’t know if I wanna do this, really. Im sorry.’ I tied to get out of this but she raged ‘U WILL DO IT. OR I WILL KICK U OUT OF THE TENT ALL NAKED!’ That hit. ‘Come on make it hard and I get all naked too’ she said. But I was so nervous, nothing happened there. The pressure was extrem. ‘Why its not hard? What sur problem?’ she started raging again. I tried it again and again, it felt like time was eternal and she raged more and more. She was shouting right now ‘Why dafuq it don’t get hard? It should? What is wrong with u?’ZIIIIIIIIIP – the zipper opened and an older boy from the neighborhood looked in. He started laughing out loud and ran away.Next day in school everyone knows it. The next weeks really were hard for me. I get mobbed daily and really thought it was something wrong with me. I was so young and so naïve to understand that it was just the pressure.

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