Fidelity Ch 06

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It became a game between us. Unspoken. What humiliation would he demand? How low would I stoop? Almost anything, we knew. Any scrap of affection or moment of intimacy he promised I paid for with a currency of shame. I streaked across the city, his cum on my face, for a cuddle. What would I do for a fond caress? I came to dread he demands while pining for any morsel of affection. I paid for a hug with another public blowjob. On the off chance he might smile warmly at me, I walked paraded around the house completely nude.Not all my humiliations were sexual. I agree to go to a clinic for testing. I’d barebacked both Jimmy and his Pete, after all. Who knew what they carried. For some reason the clinician allowed Matthew to accompany me from waiting room to exam room. I conceded to his presence as quickly as I’d agreed to go to a clinic instead of my own Ob/gyn for the exam.“Have you had unprotected sex since your last test?” asked the woman.“Yes,” I said.“Not including your husband,” she clarified. I nodded. She checked a box. “With how many partners?”“Two,” I said, looking anywhere but at her or Matthew. “Three counting my husband.”“Oral?” A nod.“Vaginal?” Another nod.“Anal?” A deep blush, no denial.The woman checked another box. I’m sure it read, ‘slut’. I couldn’t help but feel ashamed. The rest of the exam passed by in a blur. In the end, she cleared me and gave me a shot and a stamp of some kind on my wrist.Hearing me confess my sins to the clinician inflamed Matthew anew. He offered no affection, only a hard cock, rough use, and his cold shoulder. I promised myself I would put my foot down and demand that we talk. Maybe therapy. Inevitably, I bent to Matthew’s control until finally one Friday night late in September, he bent me until we broke.–“Be ready for everything when I get home,” he texted. Everything didn’t include even a hint of real intimacy, I knew. I fantasized about resisting him while I shaved my pussy smooth, took an enema, and showered. I imaged having rational conversation with him as I put on ‘slutty’ levels of makeup then slipped into the raciest thing I owned. Dressed in a tight black bandage dress with missing panels exposing provocative places, I primped and preened and imagined I could resist Matthew.“That won’t do,” he said, when he arrived looking official in his uniform. “Take it off.”“I look good in this dress, you’ve Güngören escort bayan said so before,” I said, trying to sound jovial but feeling horrible. Already he had command. “It’s hard not to take this personally.”Matthew hopped in the shower, completely undermining me. My heart sank into my stomach. I felt stretched and brittle. I needed more than adventure, more than his very stimulating abuse. I needed him, but I disrobed like he wanted. “Put on those strappy black heels,” he said, walking back into our room, freshly showered and heart-achingly handsome.That did it. Stamped my foot, “No.”“No?”“No, Matthew, I’m done. I’ve taken your shit. I’ve been more than fair. I’ve done everything you asked. You’ve heaped abuse after humiliation on me. I’ve taken it. I’m sick of it. I’m your wife not some whore you can hate fuck and humiliate.”“You could have fooled me, you sure looked like a whore you with those two…”“I’m sorry!” I shouted, my heart breaking. And then quietly, but with urgency I added, “I cheated. I’ve said it before. I’m sorry. I am. How many ways can prove it? How much louder do I need to say it for you to hear it? I’m sorry.” Matthew stood over me and cupped my cheek in his hand, looking sober, almost kind.“I believe you are.”“Please forgive me.”“No,” he said. His face hardened, crushing any hope his tender hand on my cheek might have conveyed. “I’ll never forgive you. We’ll never be the same. We’ll never have what we had before. You shattered that completely, but I’m tired of this, too.”“Oh God, Matthew. I…” I choked up, tears forming. He sounded to much more final than I did. What could I say to that? “Can’t we talk it through?”“Talking. That’s what you want. Your way,” he said, “I want something else entirely.”The floor drop away from me. I was falling. He did mean to end it. To leave me.“You want to leave? If you want to hurt me, that’s the worst you can do. Being away from you is all the punishment I can bear, I can’t imagine anything worse.”“Pleading for sympathy? Pathetic after your betrayed, Laura,” he said, clenched his fists. I could see his jaw muscles working as he gnashed his teeth, anger flashed behind his eyes. Matthew, usually cool and calm, showed emotion so easily these days. That change, I liked. “Breaking up isn’t enough punishment for you. If you left, I wouldn’t Escort İnnovia be there to see you suffer.”“God Matthew-”“Shut up. I know what you’re going to say: ‘can’t we talk?’” I sobbed, “fine, I’ll go.”I turned to the closet for my bag, but he grabbed my face with both hands, immobilizing me, glaring into my eyes. I could feel my soul shrinking under his hot anger. “I had planned to make you suffer tonight,” he said, then smiled wickedly. “Can’t do that if you leave.”“I’m not staying for anymore of this,” I said. I could feel my heart cracking, but I sucked it up, keeping a poker face.“Stay. If you do everything I say tonight, then you can have your talk.”“Really?” I asked, ignoring his threat of punishment.“If you make it through tonight without running off,” he said. “Then I’ll talk.”“If I don’t run off?” I repeated, confused. Why would I run? Maybe he didn’t mean it, “Really talk?”Hope welled up inside me when he nodded. Intellectually, I knew Hope to be a fool, but the heart is an obstinate muscle, and equally foolish. I wanted so much more than to talk, but even talking would be more than I’d been given for months now. Anything beat divorce. Besides, how bad could the night be after that naked walk across the parking garage and the humiliating drive down Mission? I relaxed my face into his cupped palms. “What do you mean, make it through tonight? What do you want?”“Do exactly what I say. Every thing. No running away from it.”“Then we talk?”“If you make it.”“Well that’s not ominous,” I quipped. “If you don’t make it, if you stop it, we’re done. I am tired of this, too. Remember. Do what I ask, you get your talk and we see if things will work out. Fail me? Pack your bags.”“Matthew, please,” I begged, looking at him. He stared back expressionless. This was the Matthew I feared, cold and decisive. The kind of man who could land a plane with three hundred souls in a storm with a resting heartbeat. He meant what he said.“Wait,” I said, steeling myself. If this was the end, I wanted it done right. With clarity. “I need to be sure what the rules are. What you’re asking? Exactly.”“You are chattel, my chattel, from now until we get back home. You’ll do what I say, when I say it. Willingly. Gladly. With a bounce in your step and a twinkle in your eye.”I breathed out, relaxing. Feeling familiar with it. I’d Kağıthane escort been his chattel for a while now. I’d become conditioned to it. Liked it. In fact, my pussy already ached in anticipation while a small, stupid part of my brain gleefully enumerated possible scenarios. “Can’t be worse than what you’ve already done.”He laughed humorlessly. “The sooner it’s over, the better, then,” I said, kicking off my pumps and strapping on my black stiletto sandals. I waited for Matthew to choose my outfit while he changed into his tight black leather motorcycle pants. He even put on the boots.“Mmm, you look good in leather” I said, trying to lighten the mood. He did, too. I moved towards him to put my hands on his salt and better haired chest. “Especially with your shirt off.”Matthew ignored me, pushing me away. He looked me over as he pulled on his black leather jacket.“I guess we have to dress you in something or you’ll get us arrested,” he said. “Ya think?” I joked. I bit my lip so I wouldn’t tell him nudity wasn’t illegal in this city. It felt nice to have an advantage. He pulled out a deep burgundy slip made of heavy, velvetine rayon. “Much better,” he said. “Almost perfect.”“You want me to parade around in this?” I asked. The short hemline, spaghetti straps, and deep neckline left a lot exposed. “I might as well be naked.”“You’re right. You need some leather, too.”From the closet Matthew pulled out his brown leather messenger bag. He pulled a black leather coat and a tangle of leather straps.“Here, turn around,” he said, picking up a thick piece. Out of habit, I did as he asked. Matthew buckled the strap around my neck. I gulped and gently touched the leather at my throat. Not satisfied, he pulled out a longer, thinner leather strap and attached it to a ring at the back of my collar. A leash for my collar.“Woof.” I said quietly, imagining a whole new set of possibilities for our evening.“That’s right,” he laughed, “you’re my bitch tonight.”“I’m my own bitch,” I said, suddenly mad. So he wanted to tie me up, maybe punish me literally. I could do that.“You want to talk?” he asked. I nodded. “Then you’re my bitch. You’ll do what I say.” I demurred. But why did we need to leave the house for him to tie me up and spank me? I didn’t ask. Instead, I put on the long jacket which covered maybe three more inches of my bare thighs but didn’t close in the front at all.“Is this a coat for a thirteen year old?” I asked, trying to tug the lapels together. “It’s a warm night, you’ll be fine.”“What? I can’t go out like this!”He sighed. “No complaints, remember?”“But-” he cut my words off with a stiff yank on my leash.“You can say ‘no’, now or anytime tonight.

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