Conversations With My Cunt – The Tinder Date

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“Stop it.””Stop what, I’m not doing anything.””Yes you are. You’re doing that clenching, curling, clinging thing you do when you’re displeased. So, please, stop doing it.””Hurumph.””And sulking isn’t going to help. We’re going to be here awhile so why don’t you try and enjoy yourself,””Un-fucking-likely. What do you mean ‘awhile’? Isn’t this going to be like all the other times; excruciating, embarrassing, and requiring a rapid and flustered exit after you’ve made up some excuse that nobody with half a brain cell would believe?””No.””Really? Are you out of your tiny, little, mind? He’s an arsewipe.””I’m sure he’s lovely. He’s just a bit nervous. Trying to make a good impression.””He instructed you on bursa sınırsız escort the best way to drink water from a glass, for fuck’s sake. Where did you find this one?””Tinder.””Swipe left, swipe right, Tinder? So how many profiles did you view before you settled on this fuckwit? Two?””Hundreds.””Hundreds! And this was the best you could come up with? Look, I know you’re desperate; and to be honest I wouldn’t mind feeling a nice, hard, cock sliding eagerly between my clinging lips; but surely neither of us are that desperate.””Stop being such a sour puss. giggles That’s you, isn’t it. Sour pussy puss. Anyway, it’s my date and I think he’s rather handsome, bursa escort bayan not to mention that he is rather ripped. Yums.””About that; when did spray on shirts and jeans become a thing? And what’s with the unbuttoned look? Has he got palsy or arthritis or did his mum never teach him how to do up buttons; or shoelaces now I think about it? Oh God, you’re doing that hair twirling, flushing thing now. Fuck.””Isn’t he dishy. Look at those muscles. I just want to run my hands across them, feel them twitch beneath my touch. Do you think he waxes? I do adore a man with a smooth chest. So, so, mmmmm. And look at his nipple. Poking through his stretched nilüfer escort shirt. Quite provocative. I could just pop that in my mouth and lap and suck and nibble and tease as his bulging arms encircle my trembling flesh. Bet he works out. Just a bit, not too much. A big of cardio and some weights. He’s got such a chiselled definition. Quite, quite scrummy.””Can you slow down on the wine. You’re barely giving him time to top up your glass.””Did you notice his schlong? giggles Oh, it’s definitely a schlong. Looks like some quality sausage meat he’s got trapped inside those trousers. Almost like he’s stuffed a rolling pin down there. Now I wouldn’t mind a little bit of ‘Ready, Steady, Cook’ with that monster.””Notice it! How could I not notice it? It’s eyeing me up under the table. Fucking scary is what that is and I need to tell you that puckered star and I have had a bit of a chat and we’re not letting it anywhere near us. If you want to play with the trouser snake then it’s gobble-gobble-slurpy-suck-suck only. Got it?”

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