Nis 28, 2023 // By:analsex // No Comment
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Nina grew up in the outskirts of Paris. She is a fierce young woman, with very long, very red hair, a rough voice and a filthy mouth. She has a personality, and very often fights with her mother. Mostly about her liberty, about the role of women in society. Nina doesn’t have any contact with her dad, who lives in the same city but has, for the most part, ignored her.
Nina is involved with many political collectives for women’s rights, but activist circles in Paris get suffocating. After an incident at a march where she almost gets arrested, her mum and her have a serious argument. Nina yells at her mum that if she cared about women’s rights, her dad would have not abandoned them. Their relationship deteriorates, and as soon as she turns 18, she kisses her best friend good bye and runs away. Feeling angry and asphyxiated, decides to take the train all the way to Barcelona. She has an activist friend there. It’ll be a new beginning, where no one will judge her or tell her what to do.
When Nina arrives to Barcelona it is the early evening of a Thursday. She’s been messaging her friend, but she only eventually gets a cryptic reply. Her friend tells her that she’s had a realization about women’s place in society, that she’s on her way to Ecuador to join a retreat for women and she won’t be back for months.
Nina is on her own. She has barely any money, she came down with a couple hundred euros. Her mum has been trying to contact her but she ignores her texts. That first night, she decides to stay at a cheap hostel. She is lying on her bed trying to sleep but the hostel is full of drunk backpacking kids who are doing cheap coke in the bunk bed next to her. She feels digusted at herself and by 2am, leaves the place and spends the night wandering the streets. She makes friends with an older Moroccan man who, before leaving, gives her a good amount of hash.
By the time the day comes out, she’s feeling very lost. The sun is up, and she hasn’t slept and feels a bit stoned from the hash she’s been smoking. Walking aimlessly, her feet take her to the beach, where she lies down not knowing what to do. It’s gonna be a hot day, and people look happy and joyful.
Out of boredom, she reads all the messages her mum has sent and sees that she’s given her the contact to an old friend of her who lives in Barcelona. He’s 34 years old. His name is Iñaki. They’ve never seen each other before. She didn’t even know this man existed.
She messages him: “Hi. My mum gave me your number. I’m Nina, daughter of Leila, your old friend from Paris. I was wondering whether you’d have a place for me to stay for a couple of days in Barcelona.”
She doesn’t hear back. She spends the day at the beach, smoking hash and getting her skin burned. She swims on her panties and lets her body float and her thoughts take her away.
By early evening, he replies. “Your mum told me about you and your arguments. You can stay for a couple of days. But I can’t have you more than a few days.”
He sends her the address and after putting her clothes on her salty body, she makes her way uptown, where she finds the beautiful modern house. He opens the door through the buzzer and comes find her at the entrance, by the garden. He’s well dressed, a rolled-up white shirt tucked in some fancy pants and very nice shoes. He has two silver earrings. He’s a handsome, tall man. He’s not smiling but lets her in and says hi. She feels very dirty and shy: hasn’t showered in two days, carries a backpack with her clothes, and just some shorts and a t-shirt that is dirty, old and has shrunk so it’s too tight. She’s still a bit stoned, and she is scared that he can tell. For a second, she feels as if he took look at her body, but reminds herself that she’s high and maybe a little paranoid. He is not enthusiastic, but tries to act somewhat welcoming. He shows her the room where she’ll stay, the bathroom, the kitchen – living room. It is a spacious house. He seems to live alone.
He makes some small talk. Eventually asks her why she left.
“My mum doesn’t understand women and how the world has changed. I want to destroy the patriarchy.” Nina says, with the arrogance of an 18 year old. He smiles and almost rolls his eyes.
“Oh the patriarchy. Yeah, I see.” he says. “Well, it hasn’t seemed to work out that well for you so far, has it?” She feels embarrassed and upset at his being so condescending. “Anyways, you can stay here for a week, but after that you’ll have to find somewhere else to go. I’ve shown you the bathroom. Go take a shower now.” She is a bit annoyed at this command of him, but she knows he’s right. “Yes, thank you.” She hears herself saying. She has the impression he is looking at her while she walks towards the bathroom.
Once she’s got this place to stay, for a moment things seem to become a little bit easier. During that week, she goes out in the mornings. She tries to find some other friend, or a friend of a friend. Tries to find a job. Attends events and meetings with political collectives, Magosa Escort where she thinks she’ll find people like her. She attends a couple of assemblies from women’s collectives. She thinks: “It is so great that there is some much female activism in this city”. Truth is, Nina feels quite alienated, almost always stoned and awkward, and she doesn’t understand the language very well.
At night, in the house, she spends hours writing and reading feminist literature.
Days pass. On her fourth night, she’s up and it’s late. This hash is potent, and all her senses are amplified. Without noticing, when she’s stoned and alone, she rubs her pussy very softly and gently, as a habit. She just places her hand there and without thinking her fingers rub themselves over her pussy.
She starts hearing some noises coming from the living room. At first she thinks she’s too stoned and imagining things, but then she can clearly hear some whispering and some movement going on. It must be later than 2am.
She switches off the light of her room and very quitely opens the door a little, so she can see. There is not a lot of light in the main room, but she can clearly see a female figure. She is not moving a lot, crouching, breathing deeply. By the reflection of the city lights Nina thinks for a second that her skin looks wet. Her legs are open. On a different angle, she notices some rope and understands she’s tied. Her hands are on her back, her legs open in front of her and a collar in her neck is chained somewhere she can’t see. No one else seems to be there. The girl is breathing hard. As she moves a little, the light lets Nina see that this girl is about her own age, 18 or 19. She is very pretty, has long black hair falling on one side. Her mouth, breathing hard, is wet and has thick lips. She seemed to have some makeup on, but has now been ruined all over her face. Nina notices that the girl seems to be whispering something, like some kind of repeated mantra. Nina thinks it sounds like”… I’m a whore…”, but that can’t be. The girl repeats her whispers between exhausted breaths, over and over again.
Nina has never seen anyone humiliated like this, not even in porn. She is appaled. Suddently she remembers how stoned she is, and feels her own mouth simultaneously dry and very wet. She can’t look away from this girl, how pretty she is and how… pathetic she looks. She can’t believe it but the image of this girl is… making her skin warm. She’s just wearing her panties and a tshirt that’s too big for her. She herself is crouching, her hand still in her panties and almost without noticing, starts touching herself a little harder.
All of a sudden, she hears the door of Iñaki’s room open, right next to her own room’s door. She freaks out and closes her door a bit too fast, a bit too loud. There is a moment of silence. She can hear steps coming close to the door. She’s on her bed now, terrified. Her body is still very warm.
She pretends to be asleep when the door opens very slowly. Very quietly. Everything is dark in her room. She opens one eye very narrowly and can see Iñaki’s profile by the door. She hadn’t paid attention before, but he’s fit. She tries to push the thought away, but it stays with her. Behind him, she can see the girl looking towards her, as much as the rope and chain let her. Nina closes her open eye and pretends to be sleeping deeply.
For a very long few seconds, nothing happens. She can hear the girls whisper something, he responding rudely to shut her up. Finally, the door closes slowly and quietly.
Nina feels relieved, only until she notices her hand has been on her pussy, inside her panties all this time. Iñaki has seen her. He has seen her masturbating.
That was… bad, she thinks. In the living room, she can hear noises again. She hears some quiet moaning, noises that sound like slurps and gagging sounds. Iñaki’s voice, assertively commanding. That girl is, like, my age, she thinks. And she got so horny in front of her mum’s friend, who totally saw her masturbating. This is all really bad, she thinks and feels tremendously embarrassed.
The morning after, she wakes up in the haze of her stoned hangover. Stoned and shamely horny, she’s been coming in and out of sleep and almost feels nauseous. Over the night she rubbed herself so much she feels her pussy is sore and can only think of the girl in the living room. For a moment, she also thinks of Iñaki’s figure, strong and tall. She wonders about his dick. He exudes the air of having a really big dick, she thinks. What would it look like? Oh my god, what is wrong wth her? This is her mom’s friend, and he’s actually been rude to her and abusive to this girl. How could she feel horny at all? Although the girl seemed to be… enjoying it?
Nina is so confused. She gets dressed, makes sure no one is in the living room, and leaves the house in a rush, without showering. She can’t imagine running into him now. She feels lost, dirty, confused Kıbrıs Escort and yet, it’s hard to admit, still a bit aroused. This is kind of… pathetic, she thinks.
She spends the day at the beach again, reading and smoking. By late afternoon there is another assembly of one of the activist groups, but once she’s there it all seems a bit boring and pointless. She’s so high she can’t speak to anyone and, to be fair, can barely follow the conversation. She’s mostly just looking at all these young beautiful activist women, and somehow doesn’t feel very connected to them. Except… there is this one girl in the group who seems to look at her insistently. She looks vaguely familiar, but Nina remembers she’s stoned and she’s probably imagining all of it. She looks away.
Iñaki is a busy guy, so Nina bets at being back at the house by 8pm, when she’s sure he’ll be gone. The house is silent when she enters. No one sees her.
She showers and tries to compose herself, puts her clothes in the washing machine, brushes her hair. She still feels a bit nervous, so she rolls a joint. She is on her bed and tries to read, but she feels fuzzily high.She rubs her clit until she comes, and then feels nasty and guilty. How can she reconcile feeling turned on at what she saw while avocating for women’s independence. Drouziness invades her and she falls asleep.
The day after, at the assembly, the same girl is looking at her. The girl smiles at her. Nina can’t understand why she looks familiar. She looks away again.
She gets home around 8pm again to avoid Iñaki, but as soon she enters she sees the light is on and thinks “Fuck”. He’s in the house, cooking. He’s alone.
“Oh hi.” he says. “I have not seen you since you came.” – he says. “That’s not true”, Nina thinks, “You saw me masturbating the other night.” but doesn’t say anything but “Hi.”
“So.” – he goes on. “I told you you could stay for a few days. Have you found any place to stay yet? A job? It’ll be a week tomorrow. I have too much going on to take care of a teenager in this house.” – he asks her. He’s standing in front of her, arms crossed. His shirt sleeves are up and the first three buttons undone. She is high again, hyperaware of her body, her posture, and feels inadequate. Her skin carries the salt and dirt from the beach. He looks so good in front of her, she thinks. She looks at his chest, wide, strong, hairy. She feels small and a bit dirty, and can’t really hold his gaze.
“Not yet, but… I’m close, I think.” she says. “I’ve been… talking with some girls at the women’s assembly and someone may be able to help me. I just… I just need a little bit of time.” – she lies.
“You think? Oh the assembly.” He says, laughing dismissively. “I know it well. It is cute you girls are organizing, but let’s be honest, many of the girls there don’t even believe their own bullshit. I’m not sure they’ll be able to help you.”
“Wo… women’s rights are not bullshit.” -she says, feeling upset but also without the energy to argue on that point now. She’s not to herself the image of an empowered woman.
“Yeah, right. But seriously, look at yourself. Everything you do is wander around, smoke pot or stay in your room doing god knows what. You don’t have your shit together.”
“Me?” -Nina says. “I don’t smoke. I don’t know what you are talking about.” – She lies badly and very obviously. She feels ridiculous.
“Are you lying to me now? I can tell you’re stoned right this second. Do not lie to me.” – He says.
Nina feels light headed again, her skin burned from the sun and her clothes a bit stiff from the beach. She’s paranoid but also way too warm. Her mouth keeps feeling dry and wet at the same time. “Ok, I do smoke a little. It… hasn’t been… easy, to be honest.” She just wants to drink water and take all her clothes off. “I’m sorry.”
“I understand.” -he gets closer to her. Nina can smell him now, but still can’t look at him, so she keeps looking at his chest, which is at her eye level now. She shocks herself wanting him to touch her hair or simply… touch her. “Look, it is normal for girls like you to feel like you want to be independent. I’ve met many of your type and I think you should listen to yourself a lot more. Maybe this independence is not what you want at the moment. You clearly need help. You woulf feel better knowing you’re contributing to something larger than yourself.” Nina thinks he is condescending her but… fuck, he’s right too. There is nothing she does but smoking pot and masturbating.
“I mean… I just need… time.” – she says, not feeling very confident.
“Tell you what. I’ll let you stay for longer if you do what I say.” he says. Nina who’s been looking down all this time, looks at him shily, inquisitively. “I want you to clean and cook and take care of the house. If you do a good job, you’ll be allowed to stay and I may give you an allowance. I will tell your mum you have a job. But you do have to really do Lefkoşa Escort as I say. Do you understand?”
For a minute she understands she’s been in dire need of someone telling her what to do, how to move forward, how to be of value. She feels a note of excitement, and her body really wants him to touch her skin or her hair. “I don’t want to be your fucking servant.” – she says, and tries to look mad at him, but somehow it sounds like she’s already saying yes. There is no lack of dignity in cleaning and care, she reminds herself out of feminists reading.
“Oh ok filthy mouth. Yeah, but you don’t seem to have a better option. At least you’ll have some value. Don’t be spoiled. Look, you can start by cleaning the kitchen. If in a few days you don’t feel this is making you feel any better, then you’ll take your hash and your white ass and go play independent woman somewhere else. Deal?” – he extends his hand to hers.
“Hm… o… ok.” – she says, finally. “Thanks. But if I don’t like it I’ll leave as soon as I want” – she hears herself saying, feeling a bit humiliated. She shakes his hand. She is in fact tiny next to him, and her hand feels like a toy inside his hand.
“Great. Oh and obviously, you need to take better care of yourself too. You are a very pretty girl, make sure it shows, I don’t want to have you running around looking like a rag. Please shower and put on some clean, nice clothes, take care of your hair, put on some make up. You’ll feel better about yourself.”
She feels a bit shaken at this now. “Wait,… you mean, to put on make up in the house… for you?” -she says. “Well, sure, but mostly for you. You need a little push. What I’m saying is: try to engage in something of value for someone while looking better, see if you feel a sense of purpose. Come on, go shower, dress and then clean this shit. Do it.”
When Iñaki leaves her, she knows she should feel angry, but she’s in fact suprisingly feeling a little excited. She has something to do for once.
In the bathroom, she looks at herself. He’s right, I look so sad. Her eyes are red, her clothes are saggy, the wavy long beautiful red hair she has is now a messy ball.
She showers for a very long time, letting the water fall on her burned skin, still feeling stoned and hazy, and reliving the conversation they just had. This is not bad, she thinks, not bad at all. After drying up, she puts on some cream on her skin. The silky smell makes her feel clean. As she brushes her hair in front of the mirror, something catches her eye. She sees… this very pretty girl looking back from the mirror and she looks at her. What beautiful meaty lips I have, she thinks. She looks herself in the eye and smiles with surprising confidence. She holds her own boobs with one arm (jeez, they’re _big_), turns around to show herself her own ass, pulls one cheek and shows herself her own ass and pussy. “He’s right” – she thinks- “I’m a hot bitch. I should make myself feel good about this and use it to my advantage.” She puts on some clean clothes, shorts and a nice tight shirt, puts her hair in a tight pony tail, some nice black boots. She looks at this girl in the mirror looking back and feels playful and joyful for once. She finds someone’s eyeliner in the bathroom and puts it on. She looks, like, _really good_. “Fuck, he is right. This is much better.” – she says out loud.
Nina starts cleaning the kitchen and the living room. She plays music. She is, in fact, feeling more hopeful. Iñaki has been around and complimented her, causing a silent wave of guilty in her for feeling so good and flattered. She knows she’s not being a good feminist, that she’s betraying her ideals. This is all a bit demeaning, and yet she can’t help but to feel worthy, almost happy, for once. If there is one thing I really know how to do, she thinks, that is to look pretty.
The day after, as she’s cleaning, someone buzzes the door, and Iñaki yells at her to go see who it is. She walks to the door drying her hands and opens. The girl who was smiling at her in the assembly is right in front of her, smiling again. “Hi. I’m Gina.” – she says, extending her hand. “I think I saw you at the assembly.” -she says. Nina doesn’t know what to say, she understand this girl is the same one she saw tied up and humiliated in the living room the other night. She stutters a little. “Hi. Yeah… I don’t know… Hi. You look different.” The girl indeed looks different, her clothes are… slutty. She’s wearing a lot of eyeliner too, and two pony tails, a short skirt. High heels. “Ha, well so do you.” Gina smiles and winks walking past her, straight to his studio, clearly knowing where she is going. Nina feels so betrayed and confused. Iñaki is also using one of the activists, who comes here of her own will. And she got turned on by looking at her. What is actually going on with her? This is all bewildering.
When she turns to look at Gina walk away, she sees herself in the reflection of a window. A wave of pride invades her while looking at her body, “I’m hotter than that whore.” – she catches herself thinking.
Later that night, once she’s finished cleaning, she’s gone to her room and is trying to write about the day. She’s smoked another joint and needs some water, so goes out to get a glass of water in the kitchen.
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