Jess

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The scene is a beautiful hotel in the wilds of the Somerset Levels. It is a warm, late summer evening and the sun is setting over the hazy landscape. It is the occasion of my friend, Jess’s hen night and it is a quiet and small affair of perhaps nine of her closest friends. Relaxed and informal we have been sitting, talking and drinking in the lounge overlooking the hotel’s garden and across the fields beyond. I found myself alone with Jess. She thanked me for organising the party and I told her it was a pleasure. We discussed the plans for the remaining time at the hotel and I told her there were surprises yet to come. We smiled at each other and we knew that the love we have felt for each other since first we met in a student production of The Mousetrap would survive her marriage. It was the love of sisters, the deep, affectionate friendship that endures. She Ataşehir Escort put her hands on my shoulders and then her words hit me like a blow in the stomach. ‘You know, I have always wondered…..’ I don’t know how anger affects you. I’m not even sure it was anger but before she could breath another word, I stood back and a torrent of words came out of me, unbidden, unthought, unwise. ‘Don’t you bloody dare do this to me, not tonight. Don’t you know how often when we have kissed I have wanted to turn my face an inch and taste your lips? Don’t you know that when we have sat in a car or on a sofa or in the cinema or In the pub with our knees touching how much I have wanted to press against you? Do you think that every waking moment with you I haven’t wanted to tell you? Did you not see the want in me when we undressed together Ataşehir Escort Bayan for swimming, or for the play? When I did up your dress, could you not feel my eyes burning into the back of your head, my hands hot on your skin? How could you say this now?’ Tears came and I stormed away out into the garden, down a path until I found a seat and slumped down into it and closed my eyes and let the tears fall and the sobs come and wane. ‘You ok?’ I looked up and there stood, Tippi, another of the party, another old friend from way back. ‘Give me a cigarette.’ ‘You don’t smoke.’ ‘Just give me a fucking cigarette.’ Tippi sat beside me and offered me her pack, I took one and she lit it. I didn’t cough, just inhaled like I used to all those years ago. She put the pack on the seat beside me and left her lighter there between Escort Ataşehir us. ‘Your mascara has run.’ I said nothing. ‘Want to tell me?’ I remained silent. ippi stood, patted my hand and said, ‘Come back inside when you’re feeling better.’ I knew I’d never feel better. She turned to go then stopped, turned again and sat back down. ‘This is about Jess, isn’t it?’ nodded. There was a rustling behind us and she looked over her shoulder but I was unmoving, unable to move. I sensed Tippi stand and walk away. I knew who had arrived. ‘What do you want?’ Jess moved to stand in front of me. ‘Of course I knew. I wasn’t going to say that I wondered if we might have been lovers, we both knew that was never going to happen. I was going to say…’ she hesitated. I looked up with tear filled eyes. I saw the truth in her beautiful green eyes, her sweet face framed by perfect, almost black short hair that shone in the late evening sun. ‘I was going to say that I wondered if me getting married would change things between us. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ How could she be sorry for doing nothing? I sobbed again, one of those sobs that rack you like a child’s sobs do.

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