Being Frank

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I was out behind the church, smoking. It’s an outdoor sport, these days.

The back door gives onto a hillside, which is pretty steep. It makes a shelf partway down, but then really drops off. At the bottom are parking lots behind the Harlow Street businesses, but you can’t see them through the trees, at least, not until all the leaves have fallen.

I heard voices down on the shelf. It’s sheltered there. Kids go there to deal, smoke or maybe make out, and sometimes street people sleep there among the trees. I’ve been down there; there’s a fire pit, even. The voices rose and became sharp– some altercation, probably. Then a man’s voice was raised in exasperation, enough so I could hear the words.

“Well, Christ! You know what to do to fix this. Don’t ya? Well?”

“No,” she wailed.

“Well, fuck you, then! Winter’s just around the fuckin corner, ain’t it?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Jesus! You gonna get out there and make money, or freeze?” There was a silence at this, so he kept on. They seemed to be moving. “Look. You know I wouldn’t ask ya. You know I love ya. But we gotta have a room, honey. We gotta have a room pretty soon, you can see that. Right?”

His voice had become much softer now, but they were coming up the steep path my way. Maybe I already knew, but I held my ground. The guy came into view behind her; I saw him notice me.

“Go on,” he urged her. She saw me, then, and she turned to him. He nodded and squeezed her hand. “Go on now.”

She watched him fade down into the trees a second, then turned a stricken face to me. She was maybe thirty. Maybe younger than that; people age quicker on the street. She was wearing a collection of other people’s stuff. I smiled, but turned to go back to my desk.

“Wait!” I heard the rustling of the bushes at her feet. “Wait!”

She hesitated on the edge of the pavement, to adjust her jacket and smooth the jeans. Curls slid back, revealing the curve of her neck. In profile against the shadows she suddenly looked younger. It was just a blink of time, and all unconscious. A woman paying attention to her details, even in Goodwill clothes. I love that about women.

But I knew she was marshalling her forces against me. I began framing my excuse to the lady.

“You work here?”

I nodded.

“You going inside?”

“I was just smoking. Do you need something?”

“Got some coffee or something? It’s chilly.”

Well, I didn’t have an excuse for that. “Yes. Come in, if you like. Get warm.”

“Thanks a lot– “

“What about him?” I gestured toward the hillside. A flicker of panic crossed her face, but she recovered.

“He’s gotta catch the bus, to go to work; he’ll be fine.”

“Ah.”

She smiled and thanked me on the way in. She took the first seat she came to, right by the door, but I gave her the swivel chair at the treasurer’s desk so she’d have the desktop. I did the cream-or-sugar ritual, and we both settled at the desks with coffee. So far she’s hardly lied to me at all, I thought.

“Relax,” I told her. “This isn’t one of the treasurer’s days; you can have the desk and you won’t be in the way.”

It had to be about me, because her own situation, an ongoing catastrophe of homelessness and desperation, doesn’t make very good small talk. I answered questions about the church, spoke about what I do. I was expansive so there’d be something to talk about. We evaluated each other. Being a guy, I probably would have checked her out anyway.

She was quick on the uptake, smart. She looked like a beautiful woman who’d been left outside in the weather too long– an eroded loveliness. She had tucked beşiktaş escort a foot up onto the wheel thing under the swivel chair and crossed the other over her knee; it was defensive, but it gave me her legs. She sipped with her elbows propped on the seat back and on her thigh, turned sideways.

“So you’re the only one here?”

“Yeah; the sexton will be in about eleven.” This was it. “Sometimes people come by for one reason or another– rehearsals, using the copier, counseling, setting up for suppers.”

Her legs came down and she stood. To put down the coffee, she had to turn. It was a graceful move and she looked briefly beautiful again. There; she tugged down the jacket and patted her hair. Details.

“Lemme get this off,” she muttered. She unzipped the jacket.

“Already warmer? Good.” My throat was dry. She had my attention.

The jacket came off. “It feels good to get warm,” she said.

Her arms crossed and she pulled the hem of the sweatshirt up over her face. The light blouse under it was black and gauzy; I could see right through it beyond its stripes to her skin, her navel. Her bra showed clearly. The sweatshirt came free, her smile glinted. She arranged herself again and took up the coffee. I was still watching every move.

She folded the sweatshirt onto the desk and put the jacket back on. This time, she sat nearer, feet together on the wheels under the chair. More coffee.

“Look, Reverend,” she says.

I broke away, but only to put the coffeepot back. “Pastor.”

“Look, you’re not stupid; you know I need money.”

She waited me out, so I said it. “Yeah.”

“I can do you for a hundred.”

“I don’t have that much–“

She laughed. “Well, then, what do you have?”

“–and even if I did… Look, I–” I was flustered, but not because of what she’d offered. When was it that I had decided to play? I had been ready to refuse, I could have sworn!

“Have a look, Reverend. How much you got, right now?”

“I can’t do something like this!” Weak, man. Weak. I knew it. She knew it.

“Have a look. I’m serious. I’ll suck you and fuck you for a hundred. Just look. Go ahead.”

“Ninety-six! I’ll be damned.”

“Done. Gimme it, and lock the door.”

“God.”

“Nope. She’s much taller. I’m Amy.”

I laughed. It didn’t even sound like me. I was annoyed at myself. Amy stood up and removed the jacket. She started in on her jeans.

“Gimme the money, and lock the door!” she repeated.

“Here.”

“Thank you. I’ll be getting ready. You lock up. There you go! Lock up and come right back.”

She was brushing her hair wearing just the bra and underwear when I came back in. She gave me a cynical smirk and set down the brush. “Let’s get your things off,” she purred.

Her knees were smudged, her feet callused; she had some little bruises and cuts and an unhealthy too-pale look. Her rawness gave her an authority, though. It said, this is real, this is how life is, imperfect but worthy.

Her fingers loosened my tie and her hips leaned in on mine. I ran a hand down her naked back and kissed her warm temple. Amy smelled of earth, of old leaves; it was a smell of rot and I drank it in. Her hair hadn’t been washed, she had been drinking; a deeper musk and sharpness underlay her other smells. I kissed lower on her neck to bury my nose in it. My hand met the swell of her ass, the elastic edge of the satin. I wanted to see it naked, to part the cheeks and take her, hard and strong. My cock rose against her belly.

The clothes had to go. I was still kicking my legs etiler escort free when her mouth slid ever so lightly down over my cock. Light, gentle, sensual, with a little tongue tip flicking the head in the wet warmth; it was exquisite. But I wanted to fuck her like a savage. I was not in a mood for sensuous teases. Her smirk had galled me; my weakness rankled.

“Take that off,” I growled. She unhooked the catch, and I pulled the bra off her. It made her take her hands away from me. She looked scared again. She wasn’t sure whether to stand up or not. “Those too!” She stood then, and fast, and peeled them off. There it was. I was rock hard and impatient to have it.

“How do…?”

“Down on the desk! Yes,” I hissed. I took her naked ass in my hands. It was pale, full and soft, jiggling. I opened it to get a good look, but then sharp on the air came the smell of her. Her smirk was gone. My roughness had set her flowing.

She whimpered as my cock touched her. I leaned a hand on her back and slid inside as she dropped down. Her face shoved papers around on the desk when I slammed in.

Cunt. In my office! And from this delicious angle, she once again looked young and fragile. I took her wrist and bent it up behind her. “How old are you?” I demanded.

“Twenty-four! Don’t hurt me!”

“Be quiet!” Twenty-four! She wriggled, and I pressed her firmly down again. “Sing me a song, about Jesus,” I said.

“Jesus?”

“Don’t you know one?”

“Um, no! Please!”

“Think a little, Amy. You must know one.” I fucked into her in an easy rhythm, a walking pace. A lovely wet noise could be heard on each one. Cunt, young and tender, and rough stuff turned her on. One eye, wide and alarmed, watched me. Her face was mashed into the desktop. “Sing! Do it!”

“Jesus,” she sang, then quavered and began again. “Je-sus loves me, this I know, for the Bi-ble tells me so! Oh God! I don’t remember the rest!”

Her cunt was sweet, and her submission very fine indeed. “Open your legs more! Little ones to him belong!”

“Lit-tle ones to him be-long, they are weak but he is strong! Oh, Jesus!”

“Come on!”

“Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me,” she sang. I was pounding in on the first and third beats, sinking into the soft wet pussy. “Yes, Jesus loves me– the Bi-ble tells me so!”

“All right, suck it! Get down there, baby, suck. Suck.”

She scrambled to obey, took me in her hand and then deeply into her mouth. Her cheek was still red from the desk.

I took her hair and we turned together. I sat on the edge of the desk and watched the infant suck me. I could hear the voices, almost, of the cherub choir:

Jesus loves me! He who died Heaven’s gate to open wide; He will wash away my sin, Let his little child come in…

“No hands, child. Just suck.”

She got herself in hand; her sobbing stopped and her tongue came into play. She knew what she was doing, this dirty girl from the street. My cock felt huge, enormous. Her big eyes caught mine, her tongue flickered and slid on me.

I was inspired. I recalled the words of the psalm: God roars and the earth dissolves. How did that go? Then I had it. I caressed her chin, and she bobbed on me more forcefully.

“God roars out, and the earth dissolves! The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge!,” I said. “Put a hand under my balls, Amy, yeah, that’s good.

“Come, see what the Lord has done! See what amazing things he has done on earth!” There was something about spears, but fuck that for now, I thought. “God damn! Get on top of taksim escort me, come on, quick, that’s it, right up on my lap.”

When she knelt astride me, I slapped her ass, and she reached below her to guide me in.

“Fuck me!” I told her.

“Yes!”

She sat on my lap in the circle of my arms and rocked on me hard, harder still once I slapped her again. She mistook my meaning, though, and sang again. The words of the psalm were still in my head.

“Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me…”

and know that I am God, supreme among the nations…

“Yes, Jesus loves Me; the Bible tells me so!”

Supreme over the world!

“Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so…”

Then I said them aloud: “The Lord Almighty is with us! The God of Jacob is our refuge! Oh, my God, girl, fuck me! There is a river that brings joy to the city of God– ah! Ah!”

I came like a fucking rocket. Her brows knitted and she ground onto me, rubbing herself into me. Her nails dug into my naked shoulders, her stiff nipples swayed in the air on the bouncing tits. I could feel every teeth-clenching spasm pass through me to the end, slam, slam, slam, like a heartbeat, like the pulse of the world. My toes curled together, my breath came hard, hissing through my teeth.

Nations are terrified, came the words.

“Kingdoms are shaken!,” I grunted. “God roars out!”

“You’re so fucked up, Reverend,” she said, and then her mouth opened and she cast her head up. “Oh Jesus, I’m coming,” she said.

I held the small of her back down onto me and let her come in her turn. “God roars out,” I said softly, “and the earth dissolves.” I watched her hard face melt and turn young again in her moment of orgasm. Her bruised knees and dirty hair framed her unguarded face. She collapsed, then, panting. I held her gently, still inside.

“Amy. Amy!”

“Yes?”

“You don’t want to do this all the time, do you? We need a secretary here, you should apply; get a real honest job.”

“What are you– looking to put me in here like some kinda office fucking machine?”

“No, I’m serious. A real job. We pay ten an hour, or around in there. You’d have to interview for it, but with my backing, you should get the job easily. We won’t do this again, ever, whether you take the job or not. It’d put a roof over your head. Think about it.”

“I got to get to the bathroom,” she said, which wasn’t a reply. I helped her off me. She gathered her things and walked over across the hall, and once I’d dressed, I closed down the computer and got my coat.

“Look,” she started in on me before she even came back into sight, “I really appreciate–“

“No, you look. I need a bookkeeper. I hate bookkeeping.”

“I can’t do that, though.”

“Crap. Anyone can do that, it’s dead easy if you pay a little attention. Can you run a computer?”

“I’m no expert.”

“They don’t give you the heebie jeebies, though, do they? Because the last girl was scared to do anything if any little thing went wrong.”

“No, but I don’t know anything about bookkeeping. Besides, I mean, we just… you know!”

“You’ve done that before, and so have I. Forget that. You’ll need a suit or something to do the interview in, so come on. We’re going to Penney’s to get you one; I have a charity fund to help people in need. This’ll be good for you. And if you will just type the bulletins and keep the Christless books, it’ll be good for me.”

She was silent.

“You can tell the guy on the hillside you found a job here. He won’t even have to know you got that ninety-six dollars.”

I waited.

“Okay, I’ll take the job, Reverend.”

“Pastor. Call me Frank. I thought you said I was fucked up?”

“Look, are you married? What are you thinking about me? Me, personally?”

“Not married. So what? Come on, get on out, I have to close the office. We can talk in the car on the way.”

Besides, I wanted another smoke.

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